Friday, March 19, 2010
I have been trying to stay sober off line, I felt to absorbed in being on line it and I letting other aspects of my life fade away, but I should have stay more connected!! I slipped big time and I was going to pay the ultimate consiquence, losing my husband, he is my family. I almost left last night because I say he was talking to a friend through email about me and how he is sick of me. She told him lots of things and also told him to leave me. It is my fault, I am the alcoholic, but I lost it, how could he share anything about us with a stranger??? Let me guess, because I SHUT HIM OUT!!!! BECAUSE I WANT TO DRINK!!!! Oh, I get it!! We talked for hours and were really honest. he felt alone, I felt betrayed, he told me how shitty I am to him sometimes, it's all a big mess!! I honestly thought I was leaving this morning and never coming back, but we came to a compromise at 12:03 this morning. It's a new day and we will start out loving and being honest to each other. So because I had to honest I told him I wrote her a sarcastic email thanking her for being so supportive of my husband!! Funny thing was he started to laugh and say that's why I love you!!!! LOL!!! It allowed us to take down our defenses, thank God~!!! We kissed and hugged and really talked, I still can't stop crying, but maybe that is what I need!! I know this isn't over, I am going to struggle and he is going to be watching my every move, I get it, I'll be watching him too!!! LOL!! We are going to actually try to find a way to go to a meeting together. I love him, he is my best friend, I can't imagine not having him in my life, I have to make myself and him more important than getting drunk!!! I think later I will post all of the postive things about alcohol, (short list) and all the negaitive I have allowed it to bring into my life. Sorry for blabbing, but it is my blog, Ha!!!! This is truly my last chance to save my marriage, I have to take it!! I am going to STRUGGLE I KNOW!!! i'm scared for Easter, everyone likes to drink when I'm home, or is it just me???
Saturday, March 6, 2010
I drank last night, thought I could just have 1, I had 3 and my husband is not happy with me today. I don't blame him, I 'm upset with me too!! I will have to start all over. I'm a little sad and disappointed with myself. I let the stress of the week bring me down, but everyone has stress and that is no excuse!