Things were not good last-night!!!

I have been trying to stay sober off line, I felt to absorbed in being on line it and I letting other aspects of my life fade away, but I should have stay more connected!!  I slipped big time and I was going to pay the ultimate consiquence, losing my husband, he is my family.  I almost left last night because I say he was talking to a friend through email about me and how he is sick of me.  She told him lots of things and also told him to leave me.  It is my fault, I am the alcoholic, but I lost it, how could he share anything about us with a stranger???  Let me guess, because I SHUT HIM OUT!!!!  BECAUSE I WANT TO DRINK!!!!  Oh, I get it!!  We talked for hours and were really honest. he felt alone, I felt betrayed, he told me how shitty I am to him sometimes, it's all a big mess!!  I honestly thought I was leaving this morning and never coming back, but we came to a compromise at 12:03 this morning. It's a new day and we will start out loving and being honest to each other.  So because I had to honest I told him I wrote her a sarcastic email thanking her for being so supportive of my husband!!  Funny thing was he started to laugh and say that's why I love you!!!!  LOL!!!  It allowed us to take down our defenses, thank God~!!! We kissed and hugged and really talked, I still can't stop crying, but maybe that is what I need!!  I know this isn't over, I am going to struggle and he is going to be watching my every move, I get it, I'll be watching him too!!!  LOL!!  We are going to actually try to find a way to go to a meeting together.  I love him, he is my best friend, I can't imagine not having him in my life, I have to make myself and him more important than getting drunk!!!  I think later I will post all of the postive things about alcohol, (short list) and all the negaitive I have allowed it to bring into my life.   Sorry for blabbing, but it is my blog,  Ha!!!!  This is truly my last chance to save my marriage, I have to take it!!  I am going to STRUGGLE I KNOW!!!  i'm scared for Easter, everyone likes to drink when I'm home, or is it just me???

Not a good Friday!

I drank last night, thought I could just have 1, I had 3 and my husband is not happy with me today.  I don't blame him, I 'm upset with me too!!  I will have to start all over.  I'm a little sad and disappointed with myself.  I let the stress of the week bring me down, but everyone has stress and that is no excuse!