I should remember somethings I have learned!!!

Well, lesson learned, I can't control anything!!!!  I can only do my best and let God take over!!  Little things can pull all the happiness out of your sobriety.  I can see that in others at meetings, with my family and friends.  what is funny is that I have been so much better about being in the moment and letting go, taking a breath!  This morning my Zen approach was squashed by a mother *(*Y*&*& ing computer printer,  yes I let a printer piss me off and change my happy, thankful mood into a fury of curse words and anger at EVERYTHING!!!  Why didn't my husband fix this damn thing last night like he said he did?  When is the f'ing paper stuck, why didn't those stupid lazy slacker shits at school do their work so I didn't have to print all this crap out!!!!!  BLAHHHHHHHHHHH.  Guess what, I was late for class (I was never ever late), the teacher didn't care, I was able to print out the stuff at the computer lab at class, the teacher pretty much told the people in my "group" that they were slackers and they needed to do their own work.  It all worked out and I was ready to sign out for the day, just because of a NOTHING thing.  A nothing thing can lead to a drink, a nothing thing makes me ungrateful and miserable.  A nothing thing had me cursing at my dogs, my husband, the world!!!  All over a nothing thing, and you know what?  The nothing thing was nothing after about 30 mins.  it was not an issue.

I am such an alcoholic!!!!  I am a drama queen, self centered, brat!!!  7 months ago I would have been drinking out of a travel mug on my way to school, YES at 7:45 in the a.m.!!  I didn't though, I got through it.  I got a sweet text message from my hubby and remembered why I was thankful!!!  Sometimes you have to become a psycho before you can gain some clarity.

I am so happy to be SOBER!!  Thank you God for making me see how silly I am, now I can laugh about it all day!!!

I hope everyone has a great day!!

I am so happy!!

7 Sober Months Today, YEAH!!!!!!!!

Thanksgiving!!

Well this year I am going to be sober.  I am so happy to be able to say that!!!  Last year I was hung over and thinking of how I could pretend to be sick so I didn't have to go to dinner with my husband and his family.  How selfish of me!!!

I am going to an alcothon, I am not sure how to spell it, but I am going in the morning with my sponsor and some other women for a little bit.  My husband is working until 3, so it will be nice to be busy until I have to meet him at his sisters.

Have a safe and happy Thanksgiving.  I'm thankful for what I have been given these last few months!!!

Great start to the day!

I attended a great meeting today!  It was a beginners meeting and the topic was about being thankful.  I am very thankful and it was nice to share my feelings with the others at the meetings.  I am going to list some of the things I am thankful for because I want to remember this when I am having a bad day, like we all will have!

• I am thankful that I haven't had a drink, or have had a drink in almost 7 months.
• I am thankful for the fellowship of AA, without it I may not have had the strength to put down the bottle.
• I am thankful for my sponsor and the other people in my life, and online, that are there when they are needed.  Even if it is only to listen, it just helps to get it out to someone.
• I am thankful to still have my marriage and my husband.  He is really trying so hard to support and love me.

Yesterday we had a anniversary meeting at my 9:30 Saturday meeting.  They have been having that meeting for 22 years!!!  OMG, wow!!!  It was a great time.  I had to work until 9:30 and then run over, but my husband was such a help.  He packed up the coolers with ice and sodas and brought it down to the hall before the meeting and then set it all up and helped with the tables.  I  really thought that was wonderful.  We stayed for the meeting and enjoyed a great lunch with everyone, I think they had about 100 people at least.  It really was a great day, and I am proud to say I am a member of AA.  Some people don't like AA, but I have found the right groups that suit me, and I just have to keep going.  I am glad I gave it a chance, because I don't know if I would be in a good place if I didn't stop drinking!!!  Today I am o.k. and I am smiling from ear to ear, I hope everyone else is having a great day too!!!

Giving myself a break

I have had a really hard few days.  I don't know why, maybe because I was jumpy about not going out with my friends on Thursday.  I knew I couldn't, and I don't really even think that I wanted to, but I was mad that I didn't feel strong enough to go. I know I made the right choice, but it messed me up a little in the head.  I was miserable, moody, nasty, talking negatively to myself.  All the things that my disease wanted me to do so I would start to doubt myself.  Thankfully I apologized for being a brat, read the big book, talked to my sponsor... GOT out of my own head!!  I was going into a dark place and looking for an excuse to be sad, unhappy, miserable.  Alcoholism is a spiritual, mental and physical disease and I need to always remember that.  The mental part can be so overwhelming at times.  I have to remember to take a breathe and think through my feelings.  Work it out, what am I afraid of?  Talk it through!!  My sponsor was amazing, she really guides me and never pushes me just helps me to talk things through. I think I was also losing some gratitude, I don't think I was really thankful for the gift of sobriety lately.  I was taking it for granted and that is when it can be dangerous.  I am only 6 1/2 months into this, not I can't think I am O.K.  I will never be O.K., maybe a little less sick, but my mind is still the same and I need to straighten it out at times.  I think I have a lot of fear based issues, but I think we will be working on that soon.  I think before the Holidays and I think that is going to be a good start in changing my thinking.  Really coming to terms with what my issues are. I feel better just putting this all down, now I think instead of reading a "fun" book I need to read some more of the big book!

You know what sucks?????

Being invited out and not trusting that you can go by yourself with your friends because you don't trust you can say NO!!!

Off to my 8:30 meeting!!

Getting back on track

Life has been crazy lately.  We have been running around like crazy, meetings, school, work, family....it feels like it never ends.  I am getting on track, I had been doing weight watchers and I am losing weight, but I have left that slide a little bit.  So now I am refocusing and getting back on track!!  I am starting to track my food again, and I think it will help me to remember to keep myself accountable.  I know I am an addictive person, so I need to remember that.  When I was stressed, I drank, (also when I was happy, mad, not sure, heck all the time).  I know that when I get stressed I can eat, for sure!!  I am lucky I haven't gained any weight, but I still need to lose a lot.  We always have to remember to refocus on ourselves and I need to do that a little bit more now.  If I don't remember to keep myself healthy, I will never keep myself sober, gotta remember that!!  My sobriety is the most important!