I went to an 8:00 big book meeting tonight and I am glad! It was 3 minutes from my house. I met an older women who gave me her number and I am going to try to meet her on Thursday for another meeting. I liked what the people had to share and I hope I can continue to attend and find more meetings around here.
So I am getting settled into my little house. I am still trying to get organized. I am feeling grateful, but also I am not so happy in the house. I'm such a brat and I need to get over it and remember to be thankful for what I have. I am just so out of sorts and I feel irrupted and I am mad that I am put out like this. My dogs are making me crazy, the poor things. They were used to the invisable fence in our yard, able to run free and do there thing. Now i have to walk them around and they think I am playing. UGH!! I am nervous about my job prospects, I met with some people today and now I have to meet with the next set of people in management, but things need to redone there and we'll see what happens. I need to know things can work out. I'm still going to look around, but I really would love if this place work out.
My husband called yesterday and he was having a bad day. He said he knows now that he is really sick and it wasn't my fault. He said that with me in recovery and attending meetings, which he would attend with me, made him feel like i was getting better and he wasn't dealing with his issues. He felt left behind. The problem was he wasn't talking about his problems and he wouldn't open up. His problems go really deep and I think he just became overwhelmed and couldn't lock things away anymore. I think he may have had a weak moment, he said he missed me and that the house didn't feel right without me. But he can change in a second and I hope he continues seeing the therapists and maybe at some point we can still be friends or maybe even something more, but we are still moving forward with the divorce, but I think the more I move forward with things, the more I think he opens up, which I think is good for him. It helps him to bring it all up, he really needs to open the doors in his mind and let all the stuff he has been stuffing away come out.
I wish I could fast forward 3 months, I just want things to fall into place, I have to really focus on my HP. I need to turn it over, I know that, I just have to do it!!