Today is the day, ugh, I am dreading this. I go to my last morning meeting, come and get the dogs and I go. Not just for the weekend, forever. My life has to start over again. My boxes are stacked in a spare room, my car is packed to the roof & the roof is packed too!
I am so sad. I am heart broken. I know I have no control over this, but I pray that God steps in to help my husband. Even if we stay separate, I want him well. I want him to have a happy life, and right now he is in a deep pit of hate and anger. I hope he learns to take his power back.
Life can be funny. I know this is the way it is meant to be. I am sober and that is wonderful. I hope I move towards better things and I need to remember to keep sobriety 1st. If I don't do that it's all for nothing and I will have nothing and not a friend. Yesterday I thought about a drink. It's a long story, but my sister in law set me off. I told them what is going on and how sick my husband is, she emails me to tell me know she understands why I am not a good person lately and that I hurt my brothers feelings. WTF! I had such a resentment. I ran around and I w a liquor store and you know what, I thought about it! I thought, I am going to move back to that area with these animals, I need a drink! I actually sent her back an email, with the facts, and explained to her that she didn't have them all and she could show it to my brother. It's all the truth, evything she stated wS her opinion. I talked with my sponsor and she read what she wrote and what I wrote, it made me feel better to know I laid out the facts, I wasn't keeping a score card, but if you are going to attack me, y need the facts first. I know now that if they try to revistit this BS, I can say, I laid out the facts, I am done, if you have different facts, show them, otherwise we are at an impass. I have to keep sober and I need to not deal in resentments, I know they have their own stuff, but I am working my program so I have to do what I need to do, and I don't always have to play their game!
It's going to be a long few days! Please pray for me! I am scared and sad!