OK, I have been hearing this a lot lately from my friends and some family. PEOPLE, please don't try to freak me out!!!
I guess now I am seeing how maybe the program I am working is working in my life. I know this sounds crazy because I am probably supposed to be at my lowest point, I lost my mother, I am getting a divorce, I had to relocate, I had to find a job, I have to start completely over!! I don't really feel so low, granted I am not the most sunshiny of people right now. Everyone keeps reacting to the immediate things in my life that they want resolved quickly( me to, but I know better I guess). They are worried about where I will live if I can't build my house this summer, they are worried about WHY I am not flipping out and screaming and yelling and losing my shit. NOW PLEASE know I am freaking a little, but I am giving it to my HP. I can't take the stress, I WILL drink over it!! My best friend has a lot going on right now in her life and I think she feels she needs to be up my ass to be a good friend. SO NOT TRUE!!! She has her life, I have mine and I am trying to organize and create a new one here. She is always breathless waiting for me to start snapping out, almost like she needs me to need her, LOL!! She wants all the details, why this? Why that? Why can't they??? She has 10 million crazy scenarios in her head and I have just a few and it is blowing her mind. Now I think it's funny, although my situation isn't, I really would feel so much more at ease if I a can build before next year, but the reality is I am short some money until December. It goes back to the money my ex owes me, that he spent and was mine. I have a small resentment against him for that, but I have to let it go, he is mentally sick and if I over did it with the financial situation for him, I would not be able to live with myself. The arrangement we made is doable for him and I agreed to it and i have to accept that!! I was honest with the builder and if we can hold off on some things great, but I don't know if that is how it will work out. I think I know no matter what, by next summer I will be in a home, even maybe this December, I just can't let others create ciaos in my head, it is MY head for God's sake!!!
The truth is, I will not over extend myself. That will be worse long term.
The truth is I can stay at the place I am renting until next summer, but I can also leave in the fall and find a place I prefer.
The truth is no matter what, I will have the full amount of the house by Dec. 1.
The truth is we can prep my land and have it ready for the house.
The truth is I am not homeless!!!!!
The truth is I am SOBER
The truth is I AM OK WITH ALL THIS!!
When I was drinking all I could do was be pissed or obsess about the what if's, when's and why's. I was the victim. Nothing goes my way (in a whiny voice)!! Life is life and we also create a lot of the energy that we don't want!!! I am learning that to create a positive spirit, the energy of love, and all the good things that I want, I know I have to be an active part of it!!! I can't sit in the background and complain, I can't wait for you or someone else to create something for me. I MUST create my own reality!!
I have to always remember my truths!!! I have to sit down and know this to shall pass!! If I take things one day at a time and not sit in worry, things aren't so bad.
Now, please don't get me wrong, I hope and pray that I am in my house by October, but I know I can only do what I can do, be honest and know the rest will fall into place!!
Hope you all have a great day and keep your fingers crossed for me!!