What a blessing my faith is!!
I have been trying to not live in fear the last few months, especially this last month after I moved from my home. I am so lucky to have the sponsor I have, someone who loves and believes so strongly in her HP that I knew I could love and believe in mine as much. I have been sober now for a little over 15 months and looking back I don’t think I would have been able to get through the last year or so of my life if I didn’t have the program I have, the people on line who support me, my sponsor, and most of all my HP. It really is a beautiful thing to have blind faith, faith that you were lead to, faith in myself along with my HP. I believe I have grown so much spiritually in the last 15 months that I AM NOT the person I once was. I feel so different, I feel like I am filled with hope, love and understanding. An understanding that when you believe and you give it to your HP, whatever, whoever it may be, you are living a spiritual life that will reveal so much to you. Now PLEASE do not get me wrong, I have doubt, fear, negative thoughts, drinking thoughts, & self loathing, at times, but I really do feel at peace.
I have been talking about doing all I can and then after that it is up to my HP, well, I did do all I could and my HP helped me in so many ways. Not to say all your wishes will be granted, but I feel for me, the thing I needed most was security and a peaceful place to live. A place so I could start a new job, get back into my program in a new area, find a sponsor in this area, help another alcoholic. I didn’t just want these things, I think my sobriety was dependent on these things, however they were to work out. I had friends and family that kept trying to bring me back into fear with the negative talk, but I pushed it aside and said what will be will be. I knew no matter what, I knew what was meant to be would happen, but I would have all the things I needed to keep my sobriety. Well, I got it!!! I am so blessed and thankful, I am still pinching myself, I am going to have a house sometime this fall. Now, I may not have a stove, furniture, a bed or certain other things. But guess what? I will have a safe place to live, a place that I know is mine, a place that I can call a safe haven and start to do the things I enjoy again in. I knew I would be ok and having been able to work out the house/cost situation was an added bonus. It was so funny, yesterday I could have gone to 2 different noon meetings, well I decided to go to the one I didn’t actually care for as much, but I thought, just go to this one. I went and after the meeting I checked my messages and my contractor called me, it’s a done deal, he needed a check so he could order the house. My bank was right around the corner, if I went to the other meeting I would have had to drive back 35 minutes, then an hour to him. It was great!! He was so funny, he said, “I don’t know who you have on your side, but you are one lucky lady, this was amazing to get this guy to do this part of his job for that price”! I started to laugh, you know who I had on my side, my HP!!!!
I don’t know if I every completely described my HP on this blog, but maybe that’s for next time. All I know is I feel a beautiful peace and calm and I need to remember that when I am feeling lonely, weak, sad and sorry for myself. We are never alone, we are loved and we are given what we need!