I am sober. I went to a meeting. I am trying to remember to turn it over to my HP. I am trying my best to live in the day, even the hour if need be. I can't even tell you how things have been coming at me and then I have been handing it, then it comes back and I get more. I feel like I am playing a game of tennis against ten people, all hitting the ball directly at me at the same time!!! I know this will pass, but this is tough right now. My divorce date is for the 23rd and I don't have to go, the lawyer will, but I am not sure what the EX will be like, happy, glad, sad or mad. We agreed to go with the same lawyer to save costs, but he has been having crazy things happen to him too. I just don't know. The house stuff is kind of frustrating. The "community" and I use the term lightly that I will be living in are nosey assholes and they are trying to not let me move forward with the removal of my trees, which the borough, who inspect everything, said I could. So I went and told them that here is my info. You said I had to have so much sq footage, I will have it (I made sure before I bought). They want to make sure I don't "take away from the beauty". Oh, OK, I pull up to this guys house and he has "natural plastic animals" in his yard. Since when do flamingos naturally populate the North East part of Pa?????? Oh In the plastic world they do. Well, I told him, my house is ordered, it is coming, and when I get all the permits you will have a copy and an extra $400, that they want, funny the real inspectors only want $300. I told him he can look at the trees, they are marked and they will be gone soon so get down to check them out. At one point he asked if he could have some of the trees for firewood. I was playing nice and I said if they fall you can have them, then he said, "you have to invite me on your land, I have no rights" EXACTLY!!! I think I have handled them for now, but I have other things going on and I need to keep my focus on sobriety and not let these people piss me off. They have no power over me, I own the land. My dues are $250 per year for snow and maintenance of the roads, not bullshit. They elected a board of old men who have nothing to do.
I have been thinking of a drink more frequently and I know why, because I don't love my meetings and I miss my AA people in Boston. There is nothing I can do, I think I need to be more grateful for what I have, the sobriety I have and focus on my spirituality. I feel like my spirit is a little tired and I need to get it back to where it should be and remember I am not in the drivers seat!!