I know what is driving my sadness. FEAR!! I think I am finally getting it that I am alone again!! I think I have to grieve my marriage, even though towards the end it was compeletely awful. I think what's really making it hard is that I am not finding the AA in this new area welcoming and helpful. I think in Boston when things would get bad I could go to any meeting and really feel at home, even if I didn't know a soul. Here I don't feel that way. Here I feel like they are grumpy and nosey. I know I can't drink, so I need to stay in some sort of fellowship and like was suggested the other day I should use my internet fellowship more. I think once the house is done and I am working full time I can try to find a few meetings that will help me. I can test out some meetings that are further away. I guess I was used to going to at least 1 meeting a day and once in a while I might hit 2 if I knew someone was speaking. Maybe if I can at some point find 3 meetings a week that I will like, maybe that will be what I need. I think I have to stop focusing on what isn't making me happy and focus on what really does.
Today I am meeting with the contractor and the foundation people at my property. The survey is done so the asshole neighbor can SUCK IT!! LOL!! He was claiming I was trying to take down his trees and stuff, funny thing is I don't think he realized where the line really was!! Anyway, he can't cause me anymore problems because I am in the right and after this point he is just bordering on harrassment!!! I am just glad I stayed calm (as calm as I can be) didn't engage in his dramatics, because now I know I am right, FOR A FACT!!! And now I have the truth behind me and you can't fight that, it is pretty black and white. If I was drinking I most likely would have been all over him and it would have made things worse for me. That is why I am glad I am sober. Trying to remember to have graditude!!!